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How To Be Married

Jun 10, 2023

This past weekend I was away for my birthday camping, it was absolutely AMAZING!

I had the most perfectly quiet Saturday morning while everyone else was sleeping, to spend with God and my pen.

I encourage each of you to read and then take some time and write your own marriage story.

Let me be completely honest with myself and then everyone else; I did not know how to be married...

I mean, I knew what it was to fall deeply in love 
Have a baby (bit out of order) 
Plan the most amazing wedding 
Finally, buy a house
Cook some amazing meals...

But to be married, and really make this "conventional relationship" work-- I was clueless!

We had some really hard years, the first five to six years to be specific.
Thinking back on those year, they make my heart hurt.

From the outside, we had home losses, job losses, kid trauma, extended family drama, police visits, bondage (although back then we called that addiction. Ron will speak/write to the differences on this later on) and ALOT of fighting.

On the inside, we had complete disconnect and miscommunication. I said things I regret, things that make me cringe knowing I was even capable of such meanness.
I know Ron could say the same of himself.
There were so many, deep to the pit of my gut, hopeless moments.


How long did it take to get to where we are today...

Well, we did not get significant breakthrough where, 'poof' overnight, everything changed.
Nope, it took a complete surrender on both our parts and ALOT of work.
We chatted with close married friends.
We chatted with close married friends who have been married many many years.
We started a daily devotional and then we started another and then another...we kept that latest round up for a good consistent 7 months, but even when we miss a day, or two, we pick up right where God wants us to and keep moving forward!
We are each in, or leading, small groups working on our individual spiritual growth.
We laugh together.
We cry together.
We ask forgiveness over and over when we need it.

We both agree divorce is never on the table, no matter how hard it gets.

Some days it feels as if we are 100% on the same page, other days, feels like we might be on different planets.
But, we keep putting the work in.
We keep showing up!
Day after day we humble ourselves before each other.

Today as we approach 12 years together, 10 of them married, I can say we are the strongest we have ever been as a team.
We are one heart, and we know our Lord has placed upon our hearts to serve each other for the rest of our earthly lives.
We are deeply in love & Deeply committed to each other.

But just because we’ve made it here, it doesn’t stop here.
We will continue to work EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. on our relationship.
It is our #1 priority, after God.

So if you’re struggling, or when you struggle, or even if your just growing/strengthening your relationship:
Do the work.
Humble yourself.
Fight for it.
We’re stronger together.

We can all learn the difference between being married and ‘knowing’ how to be married.

Believe for the miracle God predestined, before the 1st time you ever laid eyes on each other.


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